Shackles of our EGO and my understanding of Love ❤️

You know, the biggest disease in today’s world is “What will people think.”

“Don’t be a football of other people’s opinions. Don’t worry about what others think about you. In fact, nobody has time to think about you” ~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

I have been misguided by my own thoughts, I have always blamed society for moulding me to care about what everyone thinks of me, of my actions, my weight, my intelligence…. My entire life!

Truth is, as I have transitioned from how I was raised into adulthood, I have come to realize and accept that, it is nothing other than my own ego that has stopped me from doing whatever makes me happy because of “Who is watching.”

Life is way to short to follow the masses…We may not open our eyes tomorrow, so…

When you hear the music, and deep within your core, all you want to do is dance; get out there and do it… NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING!

When your heart is heavy, and your spirit needs to reset; cry with all your given strength until your eyes are dry… NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING!

If something doesn’t sit right in your soul; make an effort to correct it… NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING!

Don’t be afraid to shower Love onto anyone that you connect with… NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING!

Love is a scary thing, it is a rose, delicate, yet the thorns can cause your soul to bleed.

We box it into dofferent levels of love; the love for our family, love for our children, for our partners, but I have recently learnt that love is not meant to be boxed. It is a common emotion that we all feel, a universal language and something that is not meant to be controlled, yet we are so caught up with our own ego, our mind and an “intelligence” which forces us to control it. It is unnatural to control this, it’s not meant to be controlled.

Love has no status or boundary, you can love the one who begs at the corner of the street, you can fall in love with a person just from a quick glance in their eyes, you can love your best friend of the opposite sex, with a pure love and no feeling of lust, love for God, love for nature for animals… the list is endless!

As I said “IT IS THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE” If we would just drop the brick wall that we’ve built in front of us and open ourselves up to the pain and joy of it, we would experience the true power of it all!

Take care of you, do what makes you happy,  you do not always need to do what others expect of you, because at the end Of the day, when you lay to rest, you are left alone with your mind, not the minds of those who we think are watching us, just you and your mind, and as an adult, we have a say in how peaceful that mind is at the end of everyday. ❤️

Riding this wave with pleasure!

When I turned 30 this year, I felt an immense amount of pressure to do something big, try something different, or start some kind of new chapter. To be quite honest, my spirit was dull because, everyone who isn’t 30 yet, looked at me with an expectation of “What are you going to do now?”and friends who are already 30 (And single) were telling me that I am at the beginning of the best chapter of my life,  as a result, I feel this salient obligation to society to make my 30’s epic.

Should I travel more, work more, get a dog, do I pick a human and date it, gym harder, get a new look, change careers… WHAT? I then decided, the best is to to give up being a people pleaser and wake up every morning as I have for the past 30 years and do whatever I feel like.

 Anyway, the real reason I am writing this blog:

A few of my friends (Girls) who have turned 30 before me and are still single, often go on about how they need to settle A.S.AP, how they are hoping to find someone and start a family…. YAAAAWWWN.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it is, to think, that you’re going out on an awesome girls night but instead, the night turns into a huge session of having to listen to someone go on and on and on and ONNNNNN about how she needs a man and how she prays everyday for the right man to swing by? What happened to enjoying a moment for what it actually is?

So now that I am 30, I FINALLY feel it safe to voice my opinions on, still being in the market at 30 and beyond. Truth be told, I feel that there is nothing sexier then being 30, single and absolutely fabulous!!!

Think about it, there’s nothing or no one stopping us from doing anything we want, and we can do it anywhere in this entire world. For me, it’s a bit of a blessing that I am a loner, mostly because I hate waiting on people to make up there minds. I want to wake up, decide and do, my motto…

Don’t think just do!

If you’re not a loner and you’re 30 with no man on the horizen, best you try and start enjoying your own company,  because once you do, you will have the time of your life. It’s a sense of freedom that you can never get if you are committed to anyone.

Yes yes, I know being married or popping them babies out could be fun expensive and exhausting too, at some point in my life I did want it, but this marriage thing has to wait a little, just till I have exploited this freedom of the third decade, first as a single woman, then maybe later I’ll pick that human and settle.

Before I start sounding like a complete feminist, which I definitely am not, I do have to point out, that I have been in a long term relationship at some point, and I know the transition so well, the one from doing your own thing, to now having to compromise on certain things to accommodate a new person in your life. The thing about this transition is that, it happens so quickly, it’s like a massive tsunami that hits you, knocks you off your feet and before you know it, you are riding a brand new wave, it’s a great thing, but you also now have to start compromising on certain things and may not be able to do as much as you could when you were single.

My advice…

Embrace the single wave, exploit every opportunity that presents itself, don’t waste time praying for a man, rather make a few million dollars before 35, travel every inch of the world, make a new friend everyday, do something that will change your tomorrow, so that when that tsunami hits, you have no regrets and an amazing story to tell!!!

A feeling I haven’t felt in a very long time…

If you have read any of my previous blogs, you’ll know and understand that in the course of 3 years, I have gone through a mega metamorphoses. Every woman who has gone through a break up like mine would understand this transformation.

When you go through this kind of thing, you tend to meet people who have gone through similar ones and, and I have in this time learnt a few theories about break ups, there are a few results that come out of it…

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1. The Permanent Pity Party:  The one who will mope, cry and wallow over the same situation for the next 8 to 10 years shouting “WHY ME” in her head, feel sorry for herself and indulge in pity parties till everyone around her is so tired of the whining that they leave too. Eventually she ends up alone, still shouting “WHY ME” to her 8 cats, 9 dogs and perhaps a parrot too. I do love animals, but I doubt they fill the void. (It sounds harsh I know, I am not mocking this type of person, I just fail to understand how this improves the quality of ones life and how can you do this for so long?) ANYWAY..
2. The workaholic: You know it, the void gets filled with extra long working hours, I have done this too, work did help me get my mind off the situation, however, I have met women, who have thrown themselves so deep into their jobs, that years go by and they become socially paralysed i.e it’s difficult to hang out with them outside of working hours and they are simply impossible to work with! As a result of them putting all their time and energy into work, their only love becomes their career, they assume they know it all and in turn  they become a night mare to work with. Healthy??? Only to a certain degree. Moving along…
3. The quickie wedding: This woman, and I don’t know how she does it, but within the first 2 months of the break up, she’s with someone new, 6 months later; married, and then… you guessed it… babies and babies and more babies, Woohoo!!! – I have theories about this one too: Theory 01: She didn’t love the ex that much at all, you can’t just move on like that, come now, we’re human, we gotta feel the burn, it’s part of the ride. Theory 02: The relationship was unhealthy, for example, it was abusive, they weren’t good for each other,  they were bringing each other down, not contributing to the growth of the partner etc. So when she meets the right one, and is being treated better she can just settle. When you know, you know! But still… Don’t just settle!
   

   The 12 Step Break Up Anonymous

4. The 12 Step Break up anonymous program (This one is me, I can’t say whether it’s healthy or not, but it’s worked for me and I feel I am in a great space… Bare in mind, it’s taken me 3 long years to get here, but may be quicker for others)….
   

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• Step 01: Foetal Position – Before breaking the news of the break up to anyone, you crawl into a foetal position in the centre of your bed, hugging a pillow is optional, but helps. Then practically drown in your own tears. Honestly, it is a feeling that you think will never pass, a feeling you think will kill you and a period in life where you feel that there is no way life can happen without him, him being the amazing human that he is. Yes, I had a “Lame Phase” don’t judge!
• Step 02: The Pity Parties AKA Filling the GAP – Now we fake it till we make it, friends and family get the news, and the Pity parties begin, AAAAHHHHH, wine, Tequila, happy tears, sad tears, confessions to friends of how much you love them, telling them how you are so over it (even though, inside you are sinking and dying slowly) it’s part of the healing, just surrounding yourself with people who love and care for you. Wine is compulsory on the menu, I cannot stress that enough.
• Step 03: Angry Woman – So you have talked about it, drank over it, cried a lot, everyone is now bored of hearing about you and how happy-sad you are and now… You have to face your emotions. Anger is inevitable on this journey, you’re angry with yourself, angry with your ex, with everyone who said work it out, you’re even angry with the garden boys, the waiters, your cousins, your friends, you are just ANGRY!!! it still really doesn’t help you at all, but the first and easiest way to channel your emotions (for a short time) and before you know it, step 04 happens!
  
  
• Step 04: The new old beginning – The ex makes a come back… Drrrrummmm roll, Psychologically this is detrimental, you’re on the way to heal and life throws this curve ball, Phaaaa, take that woman, as if you haven’t gone through enough already! So now you have a few situations to deal with and some decisions to make. The easy way out: let’s work it out and go back to where it was, happy days tralalalalala. The angry friends: who can’t bare to see you hurt again, so they will not even hear of it! Like don’t even mention his name…and then your sweet sweet Swwwweeeeet Mum: she doesn’t want you to get hurt and wants you be happy, so she really tries to comfort you, but can’t really tell you what to do cuz you’re a ticking time bomb, see the anger phase has not quite worn off yet and generally the mums get the worst of it. Love you mum!
  
  
• Step 05: Introspect – So, either you’ve worked it out with him and are married already, or you’re with me at step 5, where you tried again and it didn’t work. Now the we’re on the verge of a break through. The question “Who am I” arises, and the best part is trying to figure “ME” out all over again. It’s the most selfish phase you will ever go through, because, you have been broken (Twice) and, you actually don’t care about anyone else but yourself, it’s freedom I tell you… and then we move to step 6.
  
• Step 06: Implementation – The fun starts now… Just become who you are after you’ve figured out who that person is and what she loves. Start doing the things you love, connect with like-minded friends, travel, read a good book, just walk out in the sun and appreciate it, basically, experience life from a completely different set of eyes…. When you know you have been broken so badly, you know nothing can shake you from now on and it just becomes the best adventure of your life!
  
• Step 07: The first “Post break up” kiss – The toughest to do, yet very necessary, you’ll see why, if you try it… Took me one whole year to try it, but hey good times!
  
• Step 08: Lonely, distant Phase – Realising that, even though you are on an amazing journey, you still feel empty! It takes time to get used to this. Those days of, memories coming back, happens, the “What if we tried it again, just one more time” question comes back, you drift away from friends because you feel like being by yourself and focussing on your own thoughts, still figuring yourself out…it’s allowed.
  
• Step 09: Forgiveness – For me this was the most powerful step of them all, the final step in getting over the ex was forgiving him as well as myself for everything we have put each other through. It’s overrated, but so so so powerful, it takes a lot out of you, but once you’ve done it, a weight gets lifted off you, like magic! Note: This happens naturally and only when you are ready. It won’t happen if you are still in the angry phase.
  
• Step 10: – The dating game begins – You now know what you want, you know who you are and you are so comfortable with being by yourself, that dating becomes something you’re more open to, because hey, you’ve got nothing to lose and meeting new people is always a good thing right?
  
• Step 11: Dead ends – As much as we’re independent women now… We still want that happy ending right? But let me tell you, going on dates is the most fun thing you can do with your time as a single women, it does get tiring but, the characters you meet, the conversations you have, the nerves before the first date you ever go on, the actual date, then the girls night after that explaining word for word how that date went over a glass of wine…priceless moments!!!! I call this dead ends because sometimes as woman, we expect too much, so I have learnt to always meet someone and have absolutely no expectations at all, and because I have studied myself properly, after a first date, I can tell “It’s on”, or “Sorry guy it ain’t happening for me”, as lovely as the person is, as much fun as you’ve had, you kinda know what you’re looking for and won’t waste a second of yours or his by agreeing to a second date.
• Step 12: Meeting someone who makes you forget that your heart was ever broken (Yes it is possible)… Doesn’t mean that you are seeing someone new, or dating him. You have just met someone who has, within weeks, knocked your socks off and turned your world completely upside down, it reaffirms you that your heart is so capable to start all over again, accepting all the positives and negatives that comes with new relationships, hesitant to the disappointment that could arise, but it’s ok, just the affirmation that it is possible again, is enough for me…. For now!