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The little brown box…

Within the core of every human spirit lies a dream, a true passion for life yet the lack of determination, hard work and will power to actualise the dream overpowers the passion that lies within.

There is a box that exists, we as a human race have placed ourselves inside of this box, we do this for a few reasons; it provides a sense of security, a sense of comfort, a false sense of happiness and it is believed that if you escape this box, you will not survive the world outside of it. We therefore, stay here, follow the rules, listen to those we assume senior to us, keep pushing through this mundane routine and call it life. There is a name for this box, it is called our comfort zone.

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It is ok to have a comfort zone as long as you own it!

What I mean by this is, many people stay within what they know, because getting out is too difficult, people stay in abusive relationships because it’s too difficult to be alone, people can’t leave toxic work spaces because they believe that they need stability to survive this world, house wives who are unhappy, stick around because  the thought of having to be financially independent scares them, people leave high school and work at one company for years and years, never make a change and don’t know any better then to spend 9 hours of the day sucking up to their bosses so they can always be the “Teachers pet” even at work… All of these people have no control over their lives, victims of their own creation! Little toy soldiers in the palm of their abusers hand!

I have a box too, but my box isn’t the place where I work, it isn’t the home in which I live in, it isn’t the people who I love, it is the entire world, everyone who I have met and yet to meet! Can you imagine that? Being at ease and comfortable wherever you are in this world, having the ability and strength to get up leave every time someone even attempts to control your happiness and freedom instead of playing victim and punishing yourself?

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If you can imagine it, then you can live it, my advise to anyone is… If you are unhappy leave, if you believe in something, fight for it, if you don’t like your box find a new one, the bigger the box the more freedom you have, or better yet, throw the box away, if a person makes you unhappy, you have a choice to stay or leave, wherever you are at this point in time, is a result of a choice that you have made, and if you are unhappy with where you are right now, then it is time to make a different choice.

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23 Years ago, on this day!

18 April 1993, Kempton park, South Africa: I met a Princess 🙂

I was 7 years old, running through the corridors, as fast as I possibly could, pulling my dads hand to walk faster, the adrenaline was excessive, I couldn’t wait to see her. I had waited for this moment for far too long.

Then finally, after all those months of anticipation, laying under a blue light, in a little glass box, I got the first glimpse of one of the fattest, cutest most adorable babies that I had ever seen in my life, my sister was finally here!

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I feel like I was already a mum at the age of 7, I had a real life doll that I could play dress up with, feed her, bath her, make fountain pony-tails at the top of her head. I took hundreds of pictures of her; from her chilling in her pram, to the first day of school, trying to take action shots of her jumping off the couch in her soccer gear, yes she was a tom boy!!!

I will never forget the day that she learnt how to walk, I was so excited to show my dad. I waited all day for him to come back from work, as he opened the gate and made his way to the front door, I carried her, put her on her feet, ran back inside and peaked from behind the front door as she wobbled her way to my dad, who was ecstatic. Moments like those make my life.

This was also a defining moment for us, because after that day, the calm was invaded by a little hyper active creature that ran around 24/7, emptying cupboards, climbing everything, scribbling in my school books, accidentally dipping her foot in the cream tub and leaving a trail of tiny foot prints everywhere she went, eating my dads pills, visiting the neighbours without us knowing, leaving us worried sick because she was nowhere to be found, following me everywhere asking why, why why, why x 100… between the age of 2 and 12 I don’t remember a single day where she wasn’t full of mud and ready for her bath, it was so bad that we’d have to wash the bathroom after cleaning her up as she left line of mud across the bath tub after every bath time.

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As I write about the first few years of her life, leading up to today, 23 years later, I have realised that almost nothing has changed, we have just upgraded from fountain pony tails to different hair do’s that we find on the internet, I cried when she graduated from pre school and I will howl again when she graduates next year, not to mention, she is still the naughtiest kid in my dance class, because she knows she can AAAAANNDDDD she is still scary when she wakes up in the mornings; Don’t talk to her she will kill you… Don’t even smile at her, no eye contact, no conversation, just give her the tv remote and breakfast, once the tummy is full, you may attempt a “Good morning” 

I cannot imagine a life where she is not around, giving me advise, calling me out on the stupid things I do, laughing till our tummy hurts and also driving each other mad, it’s not always fun and games, our fights are real, I don’t think there is a single person on this planet who can make me as angry as she can… and vice versa!!!!

Truth be told, the tables have turned now, instead of me teaching her a few things, she has now become my voice of reason, my confidant, my best friend.

Sometimes full of nonsense, yet the owner of a strong spirit, a soft heart, and a kind soul. Happy birthday to my first-born. I been here all your life, and thanks to you, I have a pretty good idea of how I will raise my own children one day (No Sugar till highschool).

Love you muches little doodle RoKli Bums!

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Realisations while Beach Bumming!!!

So I spent all of last week at the beach, and because I don’t Beach often, I milked every moment of it. I spent hours in the sea, I had lunch everyday with the view of the sea, and the best part was, taking naps with the sound of the sea, it’s one of the most therapeutic ways to fall asleep.

Every-time I travel, I come back having learnt something new, either about myself, or from somebody new that I meet.

On the last evening of our holiday, I had decided, that after spending all week watching the sun sets at the shore, I wanted to, this time, be in the middle of the ocean as I watched the sun go down.

It was a bit nippy on that evening, so pretty much everyone was lazing about at the shore, for that moment I had the ocean all to myself, no bumping into anyone, no sounds of people, just me and the water. I laid afloat on my back as I watched the blue sky turn orange, an occasional bird flying across and enjoying a contrast of the warm ocean with a bit of an icy breeze hitting my nose, it was absolutely tranquil.

In that moment I had a flash back of my life about 3 years ago, when I was almost out of a 5 year-long relationship and I had realised that, as much as I was all by myself at that moment in the ocean, I was content, I was complete and fulfilled, yet 3 years ago, I was not alone, I had someone to love, yet the loneliness that enveloped my being at that time was intolerable.

Rebuilding myself in the last 3 years after that break up had been the toughest thing I ever had to go through in my life, but I have built such amazing relationships now, beautiful souls have walked into my life and aided my growth, the tears I cry now, are all tears of joy and no more of sorrow. I don’t feel that intense pain in my soul anymore, I don’t have that sick feeling in my core, the constant lump in my throat is gone, my energy is light again and I am free…

“Being alone is scary, but not as scary as feeling alone in a relationship.”

~Amelia Earheart

 

 

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Just fix it in post :):

In our culture, it is believed that ones destiny is almost fully predetermined before your birth. You have, based on your actions in past lives, already chosen your parents, your friends, enemy’s, the challenges you have to face and even the time at which certain people may enter your life.

I read somewhere, that souls who love you dearly, may also voluntarily come back down as your enemy, just to teach you certain lessons to benefit your growth. If you never understood the term “Karma is a bitch”, well, this pretty much sums it up…

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I have this vision of when I die and what happens; I feel like it’s going to be a massive gathering of all the old souls who we have lost over the years, you know, having a massive catch up session, reminiscing on all the incidents that took place through all our lives, and story boarding the next life together. Can you imagine that? A brainstorming session of your next life.

On a more serious note…

As much as I believe karma does exist, I also believe that one has the power to change the course in which ones life flows i.e, writer of your own script, directer of your own film and obviously, crafter of your own story in edit. For me, edit is the best part, this is where you gather all you memories and experiences into one place, and then decide which you want to hold on to and which to eliminate.

You get to create the look and feel of your life here, change wardrobe as you please, edit out characters who add no value to your story and you have the power to set the tone for the next scene.

Certain karma can be avoided, certain cant. If it rains, it rains. But to get wet or not is your choice. If you have an umbrella, you can use it or you will not.

~Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

The problem with this is, those events that occur which is beyond your control, like, losing a parent, finding out that you’re sick, someone you love dearly hurts you etc… This is where, I believe, your true editing skills needs to come into play, because in this case, the script has been written by someone else, the footage has already been shot and directed… BY SOMEONE ELSE, and now you need to “Fix it in post.”

This can either be a thrilling task, especially for a fixer upper like me, or it can be a rather tedious exercise, for the ones who aren’t driven by control and challenge.

So you have a lot of freedom to control your life in Post Production: You get to craft this story and direct your life forward from this point.

Here are a few choices:

  1. You can either can take the scene, add happy music, count your blessings and be content with it.
  2. Add some comedy, make fun of the situation and move on.
  3. You can add a mellow theme, cry about it forever and craft out one of the most miserable stories on the planet.
  4. You can slap the situation in the face, kick it out your way and create the most epic films ever.

Whatever you decide to do, just know and understand that, in life in general, we have the tabloids and film critics who have no idea how much work you’ve put into your film, they will always find something wrong with it and it is a massive skill to be able to turn a blind eye on those.

You can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t try to, because some like the sad stuff, some prefer comedy and most love the drama, so when crafting your story, do it for yourself and have a ball of a time doing it, because as long as you are having fun, and not taking everything too seriously, you will definitely win that Oscar!!!

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Riding this wave with pleasure!

When I turned 30 this year, I felt an immense amount of pressure to do something big, try something different, or start some kind of new chapter. To be quite honest, my spirit was dull because, everyone who isn’t 30 yet, looked at me with an expectation of “What are you going to do now?”and friends who are already 30 (And single) were telling me that I am at the beginning of the best chapter of my life,  as a result, I feel this salient obligation to society to make my 30’s epic.

Should I travel more, work more, get a dog, do I pick a human and date it, gym harder, get a new look, change careers… WHAT? I then decided, the best is to to give up being a people pleaser and wake up every morning as I have for the past 30 years and do whatever I feel like.

 Anyway, the real reason I am writing this blog:

A few of my friends (Girls) who have turned 30 before me and are still single, often go on about how they need to settle A.S.AP, how they are hoping to find someone and start a family…. YAAAAWWWN.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it is, to think, that you’re going out on an awesome girls night but instead, the night turns into a huge session of having to listen to someone go on and on and on and ONNNNNN about how she needs a man and how she prays everyday for the right man to swing by? What happened to enjoying a moment for what it actually is?

So now that I am 30, I FINALLY feel it safe to voice my opinions on, still being in the market at 30 and beyond. Truth be told, I feel that there is nothing sexier then being 30, single and absolutely fabulous!!!

Think about it, there’s nothing or no one stopping us from doing anything we want, and we can do it anywhere in this entire world. For me, it’s a bit of a blessing that I am a loner, mostly because I hate waiting on people to make up there minds. I want to wake up, decide and do, my motto…

Don’t think just do!

If you’re not a loner and you’re 30 with no man on the horizen, best you try and start enjoying your own company,  because once you do, you will have the time of your life. It’s a sense of freedom that you can never get if you are committed to anyone.

Yes yes, I know being married or popping them babies out could be fun expensive and exhausting too, at some point in my life I did want it, but this marriage thing has to wait a little, just till I have exploited this freedom of the third decade, first as a single woman, then maybe later I’ll pick that human and settle.

Before I start sounding like a complete feminist, which I definitely am not, I do have to point out, that I have been in a long term relationship at some point, and I know the transition so well, the one from doing your own thing, to now having to compromise on certain things to accommodate a new person in your life. The thing about this transition is that, it happens so quickly, it’s like a massive tsunami that hits you, knocks you off your feet and before you know it, you are riding a brand new wave, it’s a great thing, but you also now have to start compromising on certain things and may not be able to do as much as you could when you were single.

My advice…

Embrace the single wave, exploit every opportunity that presents itself, don’t waste time praying for a man, rather make a few million dollars before 35, travel every inch of the world, make a new friend everyday, do something that will change your tomorrow, so that when that tsunami hits, you have no regrets and an amazing story to tell!!!

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The worst edit I have ever had to push through…

When I say I am an editor, often people think “Oh she sits and has fun all day” Firstly, yes I do, I love my my job, but secondly, it’s an art, I always edit from the heart, never from my head, it’s a feeling not a science.
I have been through the journey with Madiba in a documentary edit, I have followed doctors kayaking through Lake Tanganyika helping kids with Malaria and Cleft lip on the way, I edited the journey of South African kids who got an opportunity to go to school for a year in London,  Corporate videos for banks, promotional videos for hotels and casinos, the list is endless…
Through my job, I get to travel, I get to explore other careers, I get to celebrate with others, I craft stories of people of all walks of life, from humble beginnings right up to CEO’s of massive companies, I generally love it, it’s like a new book everyday, but today I cut something that I have never had to do in all my years of editing…
I sit here physically and emotionally drained from one of the worst edits I have ever had to do…
A memorial tribute video for a colleague who has just lost his 12 year old son.
I spent 4 hours of today, sick to my tummy, holding back tears and literally trembling as I compiled a visual montage of all the happy moments of a 12 year old boy who is no longer here.
As a spiritualist I am meant to accept and understand, to be calm and almost objective, but I just cannot do this today. I am overwhelmed by anger, sadness and a sick feeling knowing that behind this montage of joy and special moments, there is a mum and dad out there who sent their son to school one morning and 30 minutes later they are left devastated in a hospital as they to bid farewell to their boy.
I cannot accept this, it may seem like a small thing to many of my friends who see this quite often in their careers, and this is something that is beyond anyones control, but it just doesn’t sit right with me, I cannot accept it, no one should ever have to bury their own child, it makes me question our whole existence, it makes everything else feel so irrelevant, the control freak in me wants to go and have a chat/argument with the someone who is in charge, undo it and make it right but I can’t….
I just can’t 😦
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Simple Fruit…

In the last post I touched on something along the lines of happiness being a choice and that it comes from within. You know, one can’t go around looking for it somewhere, it’s not a material object which you can buy from the store, or download from the internet, you cannot google “Where do I find happiness” well you can, but the internet isn’t really aware of what it is that you need at that particular time, also what we as humans need to be aware of, is that, what defines happiness to one individual is completely different to the happiness of another.

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I am mindful of the fact I have just stated the obvious to some, but for others, this isn’t as easy to understand. Humans have a tendency to contort the natural.

We complicate life way too much, life is simple, for example, a fruit grows on a tree, we pick it, wash it and eat it, easy right?….NOT!!! We than decided to take apples and make toffee apples, add cream to strawberries, peaches drenched in syrup, apple crumble, pickled pears and thousands more. In essence what we have done is, put a lot of hard work into taking something, which is naturally perfect, and making it into something we think is better, and in doing so, we have warped a simple fruit, removed everything that is healthy about it and than we feel fat from all that sugar and cream. This is what we have done with our lives.

The inspiration behind this blog, is that I have just read something about how one goes about being happy, it consisted of clear step by step instructions as to how to go about it. In my honest opinion, it really is just a bang load of hog wash. The truth about life, according to me, is that there are a few constants i.e:

  • Everything is always changing.
  • Very few things in this world are permanent.
  • We are all going to die at some point.
  • You’ll have great chapters and bad ones.
  • You will lose people you love.
  • Not everyone will like you and you won’t like everyone.
  • Boys are stupid Grown men are sometimes stubborn and behave like children.
  • And the mother of them all “Karma’s a bitch.”

Once we understand and accept this, we really don’t have to worry about much.

Just take it easy!

In this day and age, it is essential to attempt to go back to basics, we are a generation who have lost that certain classic element that our grand parents and parents had, we are some-what spoilt. There’s an appreciation that we don’t have anymore, there’s a respect that has gone adrift. As much as I love technology and how convenient it has made our lives, I feel this is the reason we have lost the value of life.

Yes it is an incredible time to be alive, we are in a technologically advanced era, there is so much to learn, happiness these days, for some, is getting the latest cell phone, being up to date with new software, new accesories to improve our lifestyle, however, this is merely temporary, true happiness at the end of it all, should mean enjoying the simplicity of life, a moment spent talking to your parents, a conversation with someone new, embracing the beautiful summer rain, walking barefoot on the grass, appreciating pretty flowers, being one hundred percent where you are and not worrying about the next minute which is beyond your control, accepting that moment for what it is, being a mum, dad or wife, playing a sport, dancing, eating good food, hearing the voice of the one you love, a hug, a surprise phone call… This is the simple fruit that I speak of, and it costs nothing!

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No skype call can match the feeling of a warm hug, no kindle can match the smell of a new book, no picture of your travels can capture, the vibration, sound, and smell of being in a foreign country. We get so caught up in wanting to take pictures everywhere we go, that we forget to drop the camera and embrace the moment for what it is.

Once we start being happy with the little things, the bigger things are just the cherry on top. 

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